My 31st birthday has come and gone. And as I sit here I know I am blessed just to still be alive. I don’t believe I would be here if I had never committed my heart to God. I believe … Continue reading
If I could say one thing to girls and women everywhere.
It would be that…..
His love is everlasting.
His love changed me.
His love transformed me.
His love converted this girl that was soon to become a stripper and later if given the chance an adult movie star. And believe me I don’t say any of that to boast because how could anyone in their right mind brag about something so disdainful as those lifestyles.
God’s love can transform anyone.
I’ve personally witnessed just to name a few…. drug addicts, alcoholics, and even “goody two shoes” touched by God’s love. If I know anything it’s that His love causes you to want more in life.
To want what your soul knows you were created for!
You were not made to waste away in some cheap version of love the world throws at you.
But I also know how it is to be in a place where that’s all you’ve ever known.
I thought love was giving yourself away. I mean if that was the only way I was going to FEEL love than of course I’ll be a stripper.
But what if a love so pure comes bursting in! A love so true that it literally leaves you wanting more. Except this time you don’t have to do anything cheap or vile for it.
It’s like that very Love shines through your very being and makes you whole.
I was so lost and didn’t even know it. But that’s how it usually is right? We can deny our sickness but if we have every symptom than the evidence is there. So even though I wouldn’t have admitted I was living for a cheap version of love. I definitely was. My symptoms were…I wanted to become a dancer. Also the way I dressed revealed not only my body but my hearts brokenness.
You see you can try to hide your heart but what’s inside will always come oozing out in one way or another.
God’s love proved to me that cheap thrills can NEVER satisfy your souls longing for true intimacy!
The whole human race has that desire for real love and intimacy inside them. That is why I believe so many run after the superficial tastes of it. They jump from bed to bed searching… They choose to become someone they hate. They willingly throw themselves at the alter of sin just to stop the deep cravings they feel.
So let me say it again. His love is everlasting.
His love chases and pursues you. As long as you are still breathing there is hope and a chance for you to accept His everlasting love.
So this once bruised up and busted girl never got to experience that world of hell that I would’ve if I had not allowed God’s love to cover my heart and rescue me from the world’s filth.
I don’t know who I’m writing this for. But just know that His love is out there following you. Pursuing you day by day. Waiting for you to realize that He is all you really want. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Well guys….This is it.
My 30 year birthday is only a week and a half away! How did I get here so quick?
Wasn’t it just yesterday I was a young, dumb, confused, and very lonely teenage girl?
So… as I begin to say good-bye to my twenties I dedicate this post to my soon to be 30 years of LIFE.
I know some might judge me as being old. While others may judge me as still being a “baby”.
But either way one thing I know for darn sure is I have entered a wise stage of life and I want to share some of that.
Here are some things I have learned. . . For life sure has a way of teaching you many things willingly AND unwillingly in 30 years. Right?
1. That even after devastating betrayal your heart is able to forgive. Able to keep beating. And still able to go on.
2. That a lot of stuff you think matters really doesn’t matter at all. Such as the car you drive, the house you live in or what brand of clothes you may be wearing. It just doesn’t matter. We came into this world naked and we will all leave this world not taking one single material thing with us!
3. If God is all you have you already have everything you’ll ever need. (I learned this and number 2 above more deeply last month on a mission trip to Mexico). God gives and God takes away. But if your heart is set and aligned in God than it doesn’t matter what may come or what doesn’t come. Better yet it won’t matter what you own or not. I met beautiful people on our trip last month that did not own much but their faces were radiant with joy and peace. I can not even express the love they bestowed upon me and many didn’t even know me. And I believe it was all because they held the secret many Americans are so desperately looking for. They had God and that was enough!
4. If someone doesn’t like you. IT’S OK!
Now hear me out I’m not talking about treating people with no respect and kindness or in a blatantly rude or cruel manner all the while not understanding why they prefer to stay away from you.
There is a line. What I am saying is I know what it is to love on people and be there for them and all you get in return is their ugliness, hatefullness, and stabs in the back. I know you might not believe this but there are some callous people out there!! Yes even in the “Christian” world. 😦 So when you can honestly say you’ve loved them like Jesus. And they still don’t like you. IT’S O-K-A-Y! “Religious” people known as the Pharisees in the Bible hated Jesus. Come on who could hate Jesus? He healed the sick, brought the dead back to life, loved the worse of the worse and even took time to love on children. Really? Yup, they still couldn’t stand Him. So when you come across some “Pharisees” in your life, in your church, or wherever. Remember you can’t make someone like you, you can’t make someone love you, BUT you can always forgive them and pray for them.
5. Simple is beautiful. (Now this something that I am actually in the process of learning). You see from an early age I wore makeup and lots of it. Pretty much it was my identity. Without it I was a nobody. I was ugly. And honestly I still think like that at times. But here recently God began showing me something that in reality I didn’t want to see. He started dealing with my heart. He started trying to let me know that HE is my identity.
When we lose ourselves in wordly matters we lose something that God so lovingly wants us to never forget. That our value comes from Him. And only Him.
Do you know that a prostitute or homeless person on the street is just as valuable and important to God as the pastor or missionary that helps brings souls to Christ? Yes.
God wanted me to understand that He sees me full of worth and beauty no matter how I may look to others.
That’s one reason I truly believe many girls walk around half dressed or why sadly many give themselves away far too easily to boy/man after boy/man, night after night. They are just trying and searching for their self-worth. They just want to feel special. Beautiful. valuable.
So they give their self-respect and body away even if it’s just for 10 minutes of pleasure.
Listen woman YOU ARE FULL OF WORTH! You are LOVED! You are WORTH FIGHTING FOR!
Your value DOES NOT come from what others see when they look at you! Your identity is in God. Because He made you. He created you!
It may sound too simple I know. It can be hard to really believe that in this world we live in. But it’s the flat out TRUTH.
It’s something that I am still learning. But it is something that I never want to forget. Especially since it took me practically 30 years to learn!
So guys it may look like I haven’t learned much. But I promise I have. There’s so much more I’ve learned and also so much I want to forget in 30 years.
We all grow up and grow old but we all have a choice to not grow cold.
This morning I prayed. And as I sat there on my living room floor I pondered. ….
If you have read some of my other postings you know that God saved me as a young teen girl. I may have been just a young teenager but this young girl already had many plans for her life. Destructive plans. Plans that I now look back and shudder at the thought of what would have become of me if my plans would’ve come to pass. And a question I have thought to myself and asked many times is: Why did God save me before I was totally immersed in the lifestyle I had thought I wanted.So as I sat there musing and talking openly to God. It hit me. Well, it was just a thought but it was almost as if I could feel the truth in it.
I don’t think I would’ve made it out alive.
I sincerely believe I PROBABLY WOULD’VE PUT A GUN TO MY HEAD and pulled the trigger.
I told God all this with tears.
I said God you saved me before perhaps because YOU knew I wouldn’t have made it out alive.
He had so much mercy on me that He called out to me that night as a lonely teenager.
But even though He called. It doesn’t mean I had to have listened.
I could have walked away from Him.
I could have ignored Him.
I could have yelled out to Him in anger instead. Cursing Him for allowing me to go through all that I had gone through up to that point.
But I didn’t.
Oh Thank God I didn’t!
And believe me when I say I don’t think I would’ve put a gun to my head and pulled the trigger simply because “I’m weak”. Or because I just “couldn’t have handled it”. No. I mean yes. Maybe I would’ve been weak. Maybe I would have got to that point where I just couldn’t have handled it anymore. But I believe the real reason I would have pulled that trigger is because of all the SHAME, all the REGRET, and hopelessness I KNOW I would have experienced and felt!
I know I probably would have looked back at my life and wondered where in the world did I go wrong? I know I would have remembered all the times as a little girl that I would run to the back of the shed in my backyard to read my Bible. I know I would have remembered the times I went to church as a young girl and KNEW deep inside that was what life was all about. Worshiping my Creator. I would’ve looked back and remember listening to my mom say her prayers. And as I pulled the trigger I would’ve believed with all my heart that I deserved every ounce of shame.
I would’ve died an empty soul.
Callous, hard, and numb.
But deep inside just truly sad, desperate for real love, and fighting demons that had been assigned to me since childhood.
So I sat there thankful, and in awe of God’s mercy and grace. I cried tears of joy and appreciation that I would never know that day. The day I probably would’ve pulled the trigger.
Thank You Father for saving me. For rescuing me. You seen what could’ve been and you chose to reach out to me that night. You made yourself so real.
I pray You also make Yourself real to all those that are crying out to You today.
If God is calling out to you today…please don’t ignore Him. Please don’t push Him away.
You never know what he may be trying to save you from.
Lots Of Love,
DO you know you are not only beautiful but captivating.
Do you know that God really and truly has plans for you. For your life.
Do you know that God seen and knew you even while you were inside your mothers womb.
Do you know He was there that amazing moment you entered into this world.
Those times you felt alone, sad, depressed … Yes… He was there also.
I know it felt like no one cared. But I promise He did. He does.
Those times you felt so REJECTED. His love poured out for you.Your heart beat to know Him.
When others rejected you. When others thought they were too good for you. When others believed you were worthless. He watched you with eyes of fire. A fire of love.
When you really thought that boy loved you. So you ended up giving yourself to him. Mind and Body. He watched with sorrow and sadness. Because He knew the truth. He always does.
But His love remained.
He caught every tear that fell from your eyes when you finally realized that it was never love. Only lust.
I’m sure He whispered that He loved you and that He was madly in love with you when you laid at night on your bed, heartbroken.
He saved you from so much pain even though it may not have felt like it.
And He came running that night. The night you cried out on your knees. It was what He had been waiting for all along. For your heart. For your devotion. For your love.
He picked you up. Washed all your stains and pain away. Healed your heart. Wrapped His arms around you. And whispered again how much He had always loved you.
And then your life began………
Love, your twenty-something self.
I thought I’d add some more ‘straight up’ quotes…..since my other two quote posts have been very very popular!
Your self-respect is yours No one can take it from you. You alone can give it away if you choose.
It can get hard when your feeling lonely, alone, and maybe even a bit desperate. You tend to want to just lower your standards by: giving in to sex before marriage, giving in to that “homewrecker”(adultery).
Or simply allowing oneself to be used, abused, and disrespected!
Keep those standards up…No matter Who trys to lower them! At the end it’ll be extremely WORTH IT!
Straight up- A man will treat you like a destination when he chooses to put that ring on your finger! And he will want to treat you in that way if you have given him something to respect.
It’s in a man to respect, protect, and love.
It’s just that so many women have NOT given them anything worth respecting, protecting, and cherishing!
(No, I’m not saying it’s all the woman’s fault. But as a woman myself I can only speak for us.)
*And if your a woman wanting to know some ways to get a man to start respecting you, and protecting you please go check out some of my other posts.*
Don’t ever fall for the lie that you must lower your standards or dignity to appease someone!
You are God’s masterpiece.(Ephesians 2:10)
So No matter how many times you have fallen. You are No accident. You are here for a purpose! Don’t allow a man to treat you as if you are worthless! Remember Who created you. You are His daughter.
“Why buy the cow……when the milk is FREE”?!…
I’m pretty sure many men have said this, thought this, figured this, laughed at this, AND have actually LIVED IT!
So what does it even mean.. Let me break it down:
Let’s just say someone gave you a pretty nice car, or maybe an ugly looking one but hey it runs and the best part? THEY GAVE IT TO YOU…FREE!! Yup, no charge. All yours. You can drive it whenever. Everyday. All day.
Now let me ask you……..
Would you pay for the car even if they gave it to you for..free?
Would you work to save up for the car? OF COURSE NOT! It’s already yours.
There’s NO need to work for it….since its already all yours.
Than Ladies why do you give yourself away for free and than expect a man to marry you.
Ladies, why do give it up after knowing him for a day? week? A month? Before marriage?
Than become upset when he no longer works to win your heart.
Why would he have to when the “milk” is free.
Ladies, why would you dress half-naked or with skin tight clothes than cry about it later when you find out all he really wanted from you was only what you were “advertising”?
God made women beautiful, delicate, sweet, valuable, worthy. It doesn’t matter if a “man” tells you otherwise. But we gotta keep ourselves expensive!! And by expensive I mean…..
No sex mister till you can PROVE that your a ONE WOMEN MAN! (And honestly for me that proof comes when he can put that ring on your finger and say ‘I DO’). And a good man will WANT to prove it to you more easily if:
(Now you may not agree BUT I speak with experience…)
No intimate touch….till your wedding night.
(For me that included: no kissing, no hugging, and of course no lovemaking..;)
Ladies can complain that most men are just dogs that want one thing but if women are giving it to them …practically for free or very very cheap then why would they want to buy the cow(marriage) or (faithful commitment), if the milk is FREE??
Now I salute all you men and Christan men that don’t allow yourselves to try the “milk” until you have paid for the whole thing….!!
Because that is where true love lies dear ladies and gentlemen…
Ladies: Allowing and declaring that men prove their love to you.
And no not by buying you a stuffed animal or a nice card. I’m talkin’ REAL, TRUE, UNFAILING LOVE! A trustworthy love.
A love that puts you before their own “needs” and lusts. A self-less love.
A love that wants to protect. Your virtue. Your body. Your HEART.
A LOVE that knows Who created it in the first place and realizes that they wouldn’t dare mess with something so fragile, so beautiful, and delicate!
“ Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, Doesn’t have a swelled head, Doesn’t force itself on others, Isn’t always “me first,” Doesn’t fly off the handle, Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, Doesn’t revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end.
-1 Corinthians 13 (MSG)
I’m so thankful that my husband and I both wanted to wait till our wedding night.
We both wanted to try it God’s way.
We both in the past had tried it “our” way(the world’s way).
Some could say having sex WITHOUT commitment can be fun BUT is it really fun when you wake up to find out he only wanted you for your FREE “milk”??
Or when you hear that he’s already went through 5 girls since dumping you?
See if you choose to save yourself till marriage(REALcommitment) yeah there’s a chance you still might get hurt.
And if you choose to save yourself your boyfriend might decide to leave.
But I just believe the risk is worth it.
I mean your risking it either way if you choose to just give out FREE “test drives” anyways.
Risk saying No when he’s calling you or smooching all over you.
Risk saying No by not putting yourself in situations where it might be tempting to say yes, and give in.
For me my relationship with God is pretty much the main conviction I had that sustained me.
I am now going on 12 years of marriage and one of the best parts of the whole thing is I am now able to share this victory with my son and daughter!
Now I know many hearts may have already given in but don’t lose hope. Get back up and the more you draw near to your Maker and Creator the easier it will become. Because you’ll realize that God doesn’t say ‘Wait’ because He’s a mean God just waiting to strike us.
But that He loves us too much to NOT warn us and protect us.
Your sexual desires were meant to attract and bind you to your spouse. So if your married use that power girl!
Also u can go check out My No Sex Challenge story!
Tell me. What would you do if you seen a man in public abusing a woman?
Slapping her around. Puncking her around. Pushing her around.
What would you do or how would you handle that situation especially as a man?
Not to long ago I watched this video about how people responded when they witnessed a couple (two “actors”) in the middle of domestic abuse.
It was good to see that people stood up and intervened!
But for me the best scene was when a man came from behind the boyfriend(actor) and kinda tackled him down to the ground to ‘rescue’ the girl.
It actually made me want to cry even because of the man’s bravery to step in and help!
And even after they informed the man that it was not real and just part of an experiment to raise awareness on domestic abuse. The man continues to ask the girl if she’s okay.
Then it made me think…
“Public” abuse of any kind is considered horrible, illegal, and shameful. BUT what about all the “private” abuse that goes on? You know.. abuse that is kept on the down low.
Like exploitation of women and children!
Or the sexualization of girls.
It’s pretty much everywhere.
Turn on the T.V. BOOM! There it is.
Walk around at the mall and it’ll slap you in the face.
Turn on the radio and yup it’s there too.
And if all else fails. Well, just give it up for porn. Because that sucker will chew you up and spit you out. Leaving you disrespecting girls and callous towards women in general.
No wonder women easily walk around believing they are only worth what they can do sexually!
And the sad part is men sit by and just watch!
They don’t come to their rescue. They don’t run in harms way to save us.
Instead of using their strength and power to push aside or “tackle” whatever is hurting us. They give it all away to their own selfish sexual desires.
Not even realizing
they are left spiritually castrated.
For sexual immorality indeed sucks out all of a man’s valor and strength.
O my son, Do not give your strength to women
For a whore is a deep pit, And a seductress is a narrow well.
She also lies in wait as for a victim, And increases the unfaithful among men.
I can’t speak for a man because I’m not one.
But I could only hope that men would STOP allowing women to be treated as objects that are only used.
And instead magnify their actions that would proclaim that women are human beings to be LOVED!
A man might ask: How?
And this is what I would recommend as a woman myself.
If and when they see a woman being objectified (which means treating a person as a thing, without regard to their dignity).
When they see a girl being sexualized.
Stop! Speak up! Say something!
Help her! Rescue her!
And many times that could simply mean
-TURNING OFF THE T.V.
-CHANGING THE MOVIE. -Or changing the music you hear.
-GIVING UP PORNOGRAPHY for good.
-Speaking to their daughters about modesty.
-Speaking to their sons about respecting all girls.
Yes, even if they are dressed like prostitutes.
It would be awesome to see men try it.
Next time they came into contact with a girl/woman that unknowingly had the words “Use me” written all over her. Truly look at her. Into her eyes and tell yourself ‘she is somebody’s daughter’.
Engrave it into your mind that she is worthy of respect and honor and love. Not that she might be dressed like it. BUT because she is a human being just like you.
At the end of the day. When all is said and done. We ALL want to be loved. No matter if we think we deserve it or not. No matter if everyone else told us or made us feel unwanted.
We all need love.
So let’s all try it.
Let’s do our part in NOT allowing ourselves or other women to be treated as things.
*Sadly, I believe lots of people take part in helping the exploitation of children and women without even knowing it.
A man can sit there and watch porn. He can sit there unmoved while a women is getting raped and violently abused in every way possible. He can sit there and witness the exploitation of a girl AND NOT BE MOVED TO RESCUE HER. TO SAVE HER?
What is wrong with that picture?!
I can only hope and pray that women everywhere would stand up, take control and shout NO MORE! to what is being done to them.
And for ALL the men that already are (yes they do still exist)
May your reward be great!
I once believed that sex was somehow connected to aggression.
In a world that glamorizes pornography, pimps, and lust. It’s fairly easy to get sucked into the lie that sex is not special, not truly intimate, and NOT RESPECTABLE.
That sex is just something “everyone” does solely
and ultimately for self-pleasure.
That is exactly what this world would want you to believe.
And I did. I fell into that ocean of deceit.
I can’t tell you when I did. But I believe it had to have been someplace during my childhood.
My vision and idea of sex became distorted.
If only someone would have told me or better yet if I would’ve believed that true pure sex DOES NOT fall into the same category as violence and aggression!
True intimacy DOES NOT feed off of humiliation of a woman.
***That is one reason why pornography can NEVER and WILL NEVER substitute or even come near to comparing to what God created sex to be.
God intended sex to be PURE PHYSICAL TENDERNESS.
Say it again. Out-loud this time. Slowly.
PURE – PHYSICAL – TENDERNESS
Those three words alone caused me to view sex different than what I had believed sex was.
I went years not really knowing or understanding what sex was all about. Even after I married.
And maybe I still don’t understand it fully but one thing I know without a doubt is that: the belief of sexual intimacy that this world holds IS NOT TRUE! That the view of sex that so many people carry IS NOT REAL!
And you can bet that it has a lot to do with living in a strong pornified generation.
Where based on a survey that was done 64 percent of American men and 20 percent of women view pornography at least monthly. AND… you might want to sit down for this…. 18 percent of men believe they may be addicted to pornography. That’s more than 20 million men in deep trouble.
Porn alters the brain.
Porn dehumanizes women.
Porn promotes rape. It fuels the rape culture.
After swallowing all that…it’s No wonder why we have too many men walking around really “believing” that sex is just a loveless, cheap, repetitive act.
It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage.
Do you really believe that is what we were created for? No.
We are created for more then this garbage that trys to suck anyone in.
It is not racist.
It is waiting to feed off of you.
If you let it.
My heart and mind had become it’s victim at a way too early age.
I fell into it’s snare. Unknowingly.
And even though I probably wouldn’t have admitted it…..my actions told a different story.
I grew up in a home where a true marriage was never modeled. Almost every relationship around me was a bad example of what it should’ve been.
I didn’t know a thing about modesty,
You see I gave myself away at 15.
But what I didn’t know at the time was that I had already given myself away long before that.
I had slowly given my heart and mind over to “beliefs” that I thought I knew to be TRUE.
I thought attention and desire alone was love.
But in reality they were traps that led me deeper and deeper into one of the biggest lies I would end up believing.
That sex was everything but love. Everything but pure. Everything but bonding.
Pretty much anything but what God had created it to be.
And those “beliefs” led me and were leading me to some very dark roads.
A road that I now know (12 years later) if given the chance would’ve been pornography. Crazy to think that something I extremely ABHOR now is something I could’ve been a part of.
Every porn worker(star), every stripper, every sex worker willingly or unwilling had a childhood dream once. And I promise you it wasn’t to grow up and become a prostitute, a whore, or a sex slave.
One thing we all have in common is: We all were at one time in a sense innocent. We believed in love. In Hope. And if someone would’ve told us at that time that sex indeed equaled pure physical tenderness and NOTHING LESS. We would’ve wholeheartedly believed it.
What if I told you that sex was supposed to be a soul-bond forever with
the person you chose to spend the the rest of your life with.
A bond only you would share with that person all your life long. A commitment. A holy gift.
Not something that was meant to be forced. Not something cheap or loveless. Not something just done to excite or entertain others. Not something dirty and impure.
To me it is so very sad that it can take years for someone to actually realize that. When it’s always been the truth.
When you understand Who created intimacy in the first place…you’ll begin to understand what it is. And what it’s NOT.
I believe that is the place where men and women in a sense can gain back that innocence.
It’s hard. But bad habits can be broken. Brain maps can be changed.
We are created for intimacy.
Just not the kind this world, the media, or porn tells you.
I am now no longer ‘bound’ to those “beliefs” I once thought to be true. Because now I know the truth. And the Truth has set me free!
“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
It hurts my heart to know that I was stuck in that pit of lies for so long. Even after I was saved and married. Coming to a point where I couldn’t even enjoy intimacy with my husband because of the lies deeply embedded inside my mind. But God so graciously shined light and exposed it so He could purge it and wash it away.
I am a work in progress.
…From glory to glory friends.
There is always Hope. No matter how messed up our minds have become.
We live in a fallen world.
But the garbage this world would have you eat could NEVER exceed
the reason you were created.
For true, pure, wonderful intimacy first and foremost with your Creator. A love so clean and relishing. That you could never again allow a man to treat you the way you once believed they were supposed to.
True Freedom is peace my friend.
Why do you beautify your way to SEEK love? -Jeremiah 2:33
It hurts me to see so so many girls beg for love.
So many of them seeking to be loved. And sadly, willing to do about almost anything to get it or feel it.
At only 15 yrs old I was willing to give myself away for “love”.
I willingly dressed in a way that I believed would gain me “love”.
I behaved in ways and did things that I can look back at now and know that it was all just an attempt to have and feel “love”.
The problem was… that I didn’t even know what love was.
I thought love was… a boy wanting me because that must’ve meant I was beautiful. Right?
So I desperately tried to do things that would make me ‘feel’ “beautiful”.
But that was before I knew what love meant. What love is. And what love IS NOT!
We run after things or run after people hoping that they will make us feel beautiful.
And sometimes it works.
But it’s always temporary.
Girls might put on extra make-up. (I know I did).
They dress to impress. (Showing as much skin as possible or by hiding under designer named clothes).
And sadly, Oh so many fall into the MULTIPLE SEX PARTNERS TRAP!
Giving up their virginity, their self-worth, or their dignity for a night of “love”.
But under all the attempts they are just simply begging for love.
Without even knowing it.
I begged for what I thought was love and when I believed I had received it I couldn’t let it go. Even though I should’ve. Even though others could clearly see that IT WASN’T LOVE.
It was like some twisted cruel joke that I continued to be a part of.
Except I wasn’t laughing but all the while the devil thought it hilarious.
I thought I had finally found “love” when I was 15.
But this so called love didn’t last. Even though the young ignorant girl that I was believed it would.
I had given up my virginity.
But little did I know I had also lost so much more.
I had burned away more of what little self-respect I had.
The boy I had given myself to never loved me. How could he? When he hadn’t known what real love was neither. But no matter how many times he disrespected me I went back to him.
Of course, I had to. He was the only form of “love” I knew and had.
And so as the hole in my heart grew. The door I had ignorantly opened was about to pour out a hellish pathway intended for me by the devil himself.
A path so unbearably tormenting that if I had known I would’ve probably went into a complete state of hysteria.
A road full of horror.
A road full of shameful acts.
A road full of unimaginable pain and hurt.
A road covered in lies, guilt, regret, and disdain.
A road I will never truly know because only months later.. (January of 2002 to be exact)
my begging for love came to an end!
But you have played the harlot with many lovers;
“Yet return to Me”, says the Lord. -Jeremiah 3:1
I learned I didn’t have to beg.
I learned I didn’t have to beautify my way to seek love.
The love I had always wanted was only found in the One who had created it and proved it the day He sent His One and only son to earth to die a bloody and horrific death.
Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.
I John 4:19-
We love … because He first loved us.
And I have learned that there is NOTHING that I can do that can make Him love me any less.
…nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
So why beg?
When you absolutely don’t have to.
The truth is this friend….
When Christ created you He created you with wonderful plans in mind. But the devil always has plans of his own as well.
Once we as women stand up and believe the truth that we don’t have to beautify our way to seek love.
We don’t have to beg for “love”. We will see more men rise up. Less girls allowing themselves to be used.
Because remember love that must be begged for is not truly love.
God gave up His only son willingly. For you. For me.
Think of it like this:
You were held captive alone and tormented. Afraid and abandoned.
No hope from being rescued from your horrible master.
But than a King from who knows where leaves all his majesty, all his comfort and riches to SEEK YOU!
Because that is REAL love!
**REAL LOVE SEEKS YOU.**
Why do you beautify your way to SEEK love? -Jeremiah 2:33
Oh and to conclude that story …. That King finds you! And not only rescues you but also destroys ALL power of your once horrible master! Of him ever taking you captive again. Of him forcing you to do things unimaginable.
So of course you become mesmerized by this kings sacrificial love.
Well that is what Jesus has done for you. When He died that awful death on the cross.
He seeks you. But of course He is a gentleman and will not force Himself upon anyone.
He seeks and waits.
Ready to rescue you from your horrible tyrant of a master.
Ready to destroy for good that road the devil has led you on. Or is about to lead you on.
Like my Bio states if the King had not or should I say if I hadn’t allowed him to rescue me that night in January of ’02.
Chances are that I would’ve went down that pathway the devil had for me. A road of unforgettable and tormenting memories.
When you realize you no longer have to beg for love. You no longer need to beautify your way to seek love. You will be free.
…but perfect love casts out all fear..
-1 John 4:18
And believe me when I say it’s a beautiful and humbling thing to finally be free!
With lots of love,
Those who desire her don’t need to search, for she goes running to them!