They show you their ‘goods’ just for a moment of feeling wanted..

I saw a photo yesterday that made me think. Deeply.

It was a picture of a beautiful woman.
Except she was almost naked and she was one of those Webcam girls.
You know the ones that show you all their “goods” just for a moment of feeling wanted.

That is what hit me.
I didn’t look at that girl with disdain or frustration. It was like God showed me what was really going on.
And it was this:

Every human has a desire to be wanted. That’s just the way God made us. After His own image.
Because even God desires you to want Him.

So we as humans do things that make us feel wanted. Why do u think girls become strippers & men become addicted to porn?
It makes them feel wanted.

I actually explained all this to my husband right after and he sat there and listened to me. He stared at me when I was done with an almost reverent look. I knew he knew it to be true.

I explained to him that is why a girl will become a stripper. Because while she is up there dancing she can; even if it’s for 10 mins, believe she is wanted. Her heart whispers “I am wanted”.

And the men watching porn. They can believe that they are also wanted by so many different “big busted sexy babes”.
It doesn’t matter at that momemt who rejected them in the past because at that moment they are wanted. Or so they convince themselves. And as they “believe” that, his heart whispers, “I am wanted”.

So why would a man give up porn if it causes them to feel that way? To feel accepted and wanted. Even if it’s just for 10 mins or an hour.

Let me tell you the desire to be wanted is not bad or wrong in itself. Because God Himself desires us to want Him.
I believe all the little things that God chooses to do for us is all an attempt for us to want Him. That is our hearts cry.
That is why I believe we as humans search out all kinds of things to feel wanted. We search for love in all the wrong places. We search for acceptance in so many vain persuits.

We wander why we feel more alone after and don’t realize that the One who created us is waiting to feel wanted from us also.

God put that emotion inside us to draw us to Him. But instead so many times we let it push us further from Him.

The thing is when your heart hurts after so much rejection…your willing to sacrifice anything to replace that hurt w/ some kind of peace. Even if it is a temporary peace.

As a teen girl I longed to be as far away from rejection as possible. I was sick of rejection from so many.
From not ever being pretty enough for any boy to not being noticed from my very own dad. My heart was in shreds. There seemed to be no cure for this ache I deeply had. Or so I thought. And those four words right there changed my life. I was running after so many empty dead-ends. I know now my desire to become a dancer was just a hopeless attempt to fill that hole I had to be wanted. And I know now that being in porn was just going to leave me more alone than I ever could’ve imagined.

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All I really needed was something to satisfy the lonely ache I had inside me. Something I believe we all want.
Let me tell you I am proof that there is something out there that most definitely does satisfy that urge we all hold.

Believe me when I say that I know that to be true because if not I would not be writing this. I would be in a strip club somewhere. Or staring in pornography. Or even…. dead.

I came home one night and fell on my knees in my bedroom. Yes, I was tired of searching. Tired of aching. So tired of the hellish crys of just wanting to be wanted.

I guess you can say that night I finally wanted God. I desperately wholeheartedly wanted God. And I felt Him that night more real than I had ever.
It wasn’t until I truly wanted God. That I realized how much He had wanted me all along. How much He had called out to me many times before.

I never understood up to then how much God had wanted me. He had been on a search of His own. For me. I had been trying to find something or someone to fill that empty hole in my heart when God had been coming after me all along.
Because you see friend you are the only thing that truly satisfies God.

He wants us to want Him.

It’s as simple as that.

I pray you understand that your search to just be wanted can be over. Mine did. Once I realized who wanted me above all else. And once you come to know that, it will not matter who doesn’t want you. Because you will have found the missing piece. The cure for your ache. You will finally know that you had always been wanted.
That’s the beauty of it all…that we are wanted not because of what we have to offer. But because of who we are.
No fronts. No masks. No lies.

So next time you notice one of those Webcam girls on your twitter. Or hear a story of how a friend of a friend is addicted to pornography.
Remember the’re searching. They are all just searching. And the saddest thing of it all is if only they knew that the One thing their searching for is really searching for them.
Waiting just waiting to be wanted by them.

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photo credit: Why did you leave me…..?? via photopin (license)

The day I was almost raped..changed my life

The day I cried out.

Today I want to write about the day God began His incredible journey of healing me.

People may look at me now and never even think or believe where I would be if God might’ve never rescued me from a dead lifestyle.
. . . . . .

But when I was only 16 my heart had already felt much pain.
Much hearbreak.
Much rejection.
Nights I would think of suicide.
I thought I knew what I wanted.
I DIDN’T.

How is it that Someone can actually heal and restore your broken up soul!

I have experienced it. I know.

And it all started with a cry.

The year was 2002.
The month.. January.
I did the dangerous.
I took off with a boy I didn’t really know at all.
But hey, I was a teen girl with a bruised and torn heart remember.
We tend to do some pretty stupid things when our heart is broken or wounded.

We drove around a bit. Then… As it got dark and started to snow. He didn’t take me home. He drove his car to an alley right next to a field. And turned off the engine.

Yes. He wanted to have sex.
But no. Of course, I didn’t want to.
He tried to convince me and no not with words.

But with the little of integrity I had left inside of me I looked out the passenger window and (either in my mind or in a whisper) I pleaded:
“God, get me out of this”.

He did. He really really did.

I wiped my tear away slowly because I didn’t want the boy to see me crying as I turned to look at him. He stared at me said,
“Do you want me to take you home”?

Just like that.

I said yes. (Of course)
He started the car and drove me straight home.
I never ever seen him again.

I walked inside my home and into my room. Closed the door.
And cried.
I cried like a baby.
On my knees. I cried out.

Here I was a 16 year old girl that could’ve been raped.
I know God saved me that night.
I know He heard my plea.

And as I cried out in my room that night. God was already beginning the process of healing me.

I gave my heart to Him that night.
That broken, bruised, torn, abused heart. And in return He began to restore me. He began to change my heart and cleanse my mind.
It’s unbelievable really. It truly was a miracle.

Yes, there are things I wish I had never experienced as a young girl. Things and situations that have left scars. But if I had never experienced them I wouldn’t know now how it feels to be healed and restored.
And believe me I do. I do.

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Quit letting the devil pimp you

He uses you.
Always makes you do things you really don’t want to do.
You do them. And than eventually it becomes easier to do those things.

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He walks beside you and flaunts you to the world. He loves to belittle you. Make you feel like your nothing. And tells you no one would want you if you left.

But than again he knows how to indulge you in your drug. The thing you crave the most. Attention.
One of the only things that make you feel powerful, in-control, and on top of the world.

No, I’m not talking about some pimp.
I’m talking about the prince of this world. The devil.

Just the other day I’m pretty sure I witnessed a pimp walking with his “girl”. And as I watched how the man walked with his head high with pride almost like he wanted the world to know that yes, he was indeed a pimp! And proud of it! It made me think: That girl is every one of us. And that “pimp” is just like the devil. When he owns us (before we come to Jesus) he is our pimp. And he sure is proud of it!

I can look back and remember never being pretty enough, or liked enough. I remember being bullied and picked on in high school. I also remember getting next to nothing when it came to attention from my dad. And Sadly, the times I do remember were when he was intoxicated.
So it wasn’t a big surprise when I gave myself away to one of the first boys that I believed liked me. (or like most teenagers tend to believe: “loved me”.)

This drug by the name of Attention really did make me feel happy, and good about myself. How could I resist a male actually willingly giving me attention!
It was awesome. I know now that I would’ve done anything for this “drug”.
At just the age of 15 I had decided I wanted to be a stripper.
What young girl in her RIGHT mind decides that??

I read an article just the other day about young teen girls willingly entering the sex trade. Really?
Girls willing to exchange something so very precious for something so profane and twisted.

The officals that have seen this believe some of it comes from pimps being glorified in the media.
“It’s glorified now to be a pimp, you look at the TV shows, ‘Pimp my Ride.’ Pimp this, pimp, it’s in songs, everything is pimp, pimp, pimp, and so when these guys do that, you’ve got these screwed up girls who don’t know any better and they’ll think that it’s cool and they’ll hang out with them …..
-( http://www.lifesitenews.com/mobile/news/inside-the-sex-trade-new-study-exposes-the-economics-and-societal-trends-be )

It saddened me.
But as some may ask what kind of girl would do that?
I thought to myself, I Would’ve.

I don’t believe these girls sign up to be pimped because they are sick or dirty.

And for a moment there it was like I knew why. Not because I had ever done it. But because I believe, that if God hadn’t saved me when I was 16, chances are I would have.

Why?
Because I was a hurting, broken, messed up, lonely teenager?
I don’t think so.

But maybe because…
I loved the feeling of attention that I could get from the opposite sex.
And Because..
to me sex equaled true love.
And Because..
Deep deep inside of me I was just looking for a man to replace my father.

I thanked God for saving me when He did.
Perfect timing.
I think (because I’ll never really know) that maybe that was what the devil had for me. For my life.
First a stripper. Later a porn worker. (I won’t say porn star since that makes it sound glamoures). Which it of course isn’t!

The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy. John 10:10

I’ll never know but maybe that’s why God saved me so young.
He knew what the devil wanted for my life.

Sadly, I probably would have signed up to be used, abused, belittled, and made to believe I was nothing.

I wander maybe that is why I have such a heart and compassion for girls that are involved and/or make a living being a stripper, porn worker, or a victim of the sex trade.
I’ll never really know how it feels to be one of those girls.

BUT I do know how it feels BEFORE they become one of “those” girls.

I’ll be forever thankful that He saved me and rescued me before I actually might have walked into that lifestyle.

And I’ll continue to pray for the girls trapped in that life. And pray that God would allow us to cross paths so I may share God’s unfailing love with them. And pray they respond.

***

But I also know that every one of us is being pimped or has been.
By the devil.
He uses us and the sad thing is we let him.
Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave of sin. John 8:34
If only we would see it for what it really is. We would be disgusted.

The way he disrespects men.
The way he humiliates women.

But you can say good bye to this pimp for good.

Say this prayer aloud:
Jesus, I want freedom.
And I know it only comes from You.
Please break the devil’s power and hold on my life. You are the Son Of God. And I want to be Your child.
Forgive me for all the times I’ve allowed the devil to use me. I will no longer be his tool but I choose to be a vessal for honor.
In Jesus Name, Amen.

Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.
John 8:36

*The Lord your God is with you. 
He is a hero who saves you.
He happily rejoices over you,  renews you with his love, and celebrates over you with shouts of joy.
Zephaniah 3:17

Don’t let the devil pimp you.

photo credit: dualdflipflop via photopin cc

Get me out of this

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Scared
Lonely
Terrified
Shaken

Unbelief
Doubt
Fear…lots of it

Why? What? Why me??
It’s your fault.
If it had happened,  I deserved it.

I turned towards the window.
Wiped the tear running down my cheek rather quickly.
I looked up.
To the air, to the sky, TO GOD and whispered
“Get me out of this”.

He did????
HE DID.

I’ll never know what would’ve, or what could’ve happened that day BUT I know what did.

What I thought I wanted, I didn’t find.
I found You.