The day I was almost raped..changed my life

The day I cried out.

Today I want to write about the day God began His incredible journey of healing me.

People may look at me now and never even think or believe where I would be if God might’ve never rescued me from a dead lifestyle.
. . . . . .

But when I was only 16 my heart had already felt much pain.
Much hearbreak.
Much rejection.
Nights I would think of suicide.
I thought I knew what I wanted.
I DIDN’T.

How is it that Someone can actually heal and restore your broken up soul!

I have experienced it. I know.

And it all started with a cry.

The year was 2002.
The month.. January.
I did the dangerous.
I took off with a boy I didn’t really know at all.
But hey, I was a teen girl with a bruised and torn heart remember.
We tend to do some pretty stupid things when our heart is broken or wounded.

We drove around a bit. Then… As it got dark and started to snow. He didn’t take me home. He drove his car to an alley right next to a field. And turned off the engine.

Yes. He wanted to have sex.
But no. Of course, I didn’t want to.
He tried to convince me and no not with words.

But with the little of integrity I had left inside of me I looked out the passenger window and (either in my mind or in a whisper) I pleaded:
“God, get me out of this”.

He did. He really really did.

I wiped my tear away slowly because I didn’t want the boy to see me crying as I turned to look at him. He stared at me said,
“Do you want me to take you home”?

Just like that.

I said yes. (Of course)
He started the car and drove me straight home.
I never ever seen him again.

I walked inside my home and into my room. Closed the door.
And cried.
I cried like a baby.
On my knees. I cried out.

Here I was a 16 year old girl that could’ve been raped.
I know God saved me that night.
I know He heard my plea.

And as I cried out in my room that night. God was already beginning the process of healing me.

I gave my heart to Him that night.
That broken, bruised, torn, abused heart. And in return He began to restore me. He began to change my heart and cleanse my mind.
It’s unbelievable really. It truly was a miracle.

Yes, there are things I wish I had never experienced as a young girl. Things and situations that have left scars. But if I had never experienced them I wouldn’t know now how it feels to be healed and restored.
And believe me I do. I do.

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Quit letting the devil pimp you

He uses you.
Always makes you do things you really don’t want to do.
You do them. And than eventually it becomes easier to do those things.

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He walks beside you and flaunts you to the world. He loves to belittle you. Make you feel like your nothing. And tells you no one would want you if you left.

But than again he knows how to indulge you in your drug. The thing you crave the most. Attention.
One of the only things that make you feel powerful, in-control, and on top of the world.

No, I’m not talking about some pimp.
I’m talking about the prince of this world. The devil.

Just the other day I’m pretty sure I witnessed a pimp walking with his “girl”. And as I watched how the man walked with his head high with pride almost like he wanted the world to know that yes, he was indeed a pimp! And proud of it! It made me think: That girl is every one of us. And that “pimp” is just like the devil. When he owns us (before we come to Jesus) he is our pimp. And he sure is proud of it!

I can look back and remember never being pretty enough, or liked enough. I remember being bullied and picked on in high school. I also remember getting next to nothing when it came to attention from my dad. And Sadly, the times I do remember were when he was intoxicated.
So it wasn’t a big surprise when I gave myself away to one of the first boys that I believed liked me. (or like most teenagers tend to believe: “loved me”.)

This drug by the name of Attention really did make me feel happy, and good about myself. How could I resist a male actually willingly giving me attention!
It was awesome. I know now that I would’ve done anything for this “drug”.
At just the age of 15 I had decided I wanted to be a stripper.
What young girl in her RIGHT mind decides that??

I read an article just the other day about young teen girls willingly entering the sex trade. Really?
Girls willing to exchange something so very precious for something so profane and twisted.

The officals that have seen this believe some of it comes from pimps being glorified in the media.
“It’s glorified now to be a pimp, you look at the TV shows, ‘Pimp my Ride.’ Pimp this, pimp, it’s in songs, everything is pimp, pimp, pimp, and so when these guys do that, you’ve got these screwed up girls who don’t know any better and they’ll think that it’s cool and they’ll hang out with them …..
-( http://www.lifesitenews.com/mobile/news/inside-the-sex-trade-new-study-exposes-the-economics-and-societal-trends-be )

It saddened me.
But as some may ask what kind of girl would do that?
I thought to myself, I Would’ve.

I don’t believe these girls sign up to be pimped because they are sick or dirty.

And for a moment there it was like I knew why. Not because I had ever done it. But because I believe, that if God hadn’t saved me when I was 16, chances are I would have.

Why?
Because I was a hurting, broken, messed up, lonely teenager?
I don’t think so.

But maybe because…
I loved the feeling of attention that I could get from the opposite sex.
And Because..
to me sex equaled true love.
And Because..
Deep deep inside of me I was just looking for a man to replace my father.

I thanked God for saving me when He did.
Perfect timing.
I think (because I’ll never really know) that maybe that was what the devil had for me. For my life.
First a stripper. Later a porn worker. (I won’t say porn star since that makes it sound glamoures). Which it of course isn’t!

The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy. John 10:10

I’ll never know but maybe that’s why God saved me so young.
He knew what the devil wanted for my life.

Sadly, I probably would have signed up to be used, abused, belittled, and made to believe I was nothing.

I wander maybe that is why I have such a heart and compassion for girls that are involved and/or make a living being a stripper, porn worker, or a victim of the sex trade.
I’ll never really know how it feels to be one of those girls.

BUT I do know how it feels BEFORE they become one of “those” girls.

I’ll be forever thankful that He saved me and rescued me before I actually might have walked into that lifestyle.

And I’ll continue to pray for the girls trapped in that life. And pray that God would allow us to cross paths so I may share God’s unfailing love with them. And pray they respond.

***

But I also know that every one of us is being pimped or has been.
By the devil.
He uses us and the sad thing is we let him.
Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave of sin. John 8:34
If only we would see it for what it really is. We would be disgusted.

The way he disrespects men.
The way he humiliates women.

But you can say good bye to this pimp for good.

Say this prayer aloud:
Jesus, I want freedom.
And I know it only comes from You.
Please break the devil’s power and hold on my life. You are the Son Of God. And I want to be Your child.
Forgive me for all the times I’ve allowed the devil to use me. I will no longer be his tool but I choose to be a vessal for honor.
In Jesus Name, Amen.

Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.
John 8:36

*The Lord your God is with you. 
He is a hero who saves you.
He happily rejoices over you,  renews you with his love, and celebrates over you with shouts of joy.
Zephaniah 3:17

Don’t let the devil pimp you.

photo credit: dualdflipflop via photopin cc

Get me out of this

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Scared
Lonely
Terrified
Shaken

Unbelief
Doubt
Fear…lots of it

Why? What? Why me??
It’s your fault.
If it had happened,  I deserved it.

I turned towards the window.
Wiped the tear running down my cheek rather quickly.
I looked up.
To the air, to the sky, TO GOD and whispered
“Get me out of this”.

He did????
HE DID.

I’ll never know what would’ve, or what could’ve happened that day BUT I know what did.

What I thought I wanted, I didn’t find.
I found You.