A letter to a fatherless child

First of all Happy late Father’s Day to all you daddies out there!
I hope you all enjoyed your days!

But for those out there that had no one to wish Happy Father’s Day to. Or more sadly, maybe you did but he’s one of those “there but NOT there” kinda dad’s….
This is for you:

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Dear child,
It’s Okay to weep. It’s Okay to cry. It’s Okay to be angry at times. It’s Okay to stop and wonder what it would’ve been like if you had grown up with a very present father.
I wonder. And than I hear and read stories like these. And my heart does sadden a bit. Because what if my dad had been there for me. What if your father had really and truly been there for you.?
Would we have grown up differently?
Maybe.
Oh Yes, it would have been such a wonderful thing to have had him to love us, to hear him tell me that I was beautiful and worthy of love or respect.
And I’m not gonna lie….it does kinda suck that my own dad is still not there for me. He’s still a “there but not there” kinda dad.

I wish the memories I have of my father wouldn’t have to be the nights he came home drunk. The many days spent with him sitting on the living room couch drinking himself away.
I wish I could say my memories were of my dad tucking me in at night, or reading me a bedtime story.

But I can’t say that all my memories are bad though. Because they’re not and I am thankful for those. Like the time he carried me on his back while we went for a walk. Or the almost faded memory of I holding onto him, standing on his shoes as he tried to walk around with me. 🙂

I have to say that I am very glad I at least had a dad around. And believe me it took me awhile to actually say and believe that.

But I realize now that my dad was in fact just a wounded man that actually had NO IDEA how to be a father. (And again it took me a long time to realize that also).
I found out His own father was a mean and cruel man. (Go figure).
That once even his own dad tried to kill him. .. And on and on.

But long story short. I came to forgive my dad.
Yes. I forgave him. It wasn’t easy.
But the freedom that came with that decision was mindblowing and beautiful! A day I will never forget.

I truly believe that many issues men and women deal with everyday are linked to a fatherless home.
((Read below))
I’m sorry you had no very present father. But know this that God is the Father to the fatherless.
-(Psalm 68:5)

And He does hear the crys of the fatherless!
-(Job 29:19)

Search out your heavenly Father and you WILL find everything you’ve ever searched for in a father.
And I know you can’t see Him now but I promise one day you will!!
And all your pain and awful memories will be gone.

You don’t have to seek your daddies love in anyone else. It won’t be found there. Your search can finally be over.

Love,
A once fatherless daughter

**Watch Father’s Love Letter:
http://youtu.be/NLzlnvPFJS4

** https://songsofintimacy.wordpress.com/2013/08/06/all-she-ever-really-wanted-was-a-daddy/

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**Ready for this:
Statistics:

■63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes
(US Dept. Of Health/Census) – 5 times the average.

■90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes – 32 times the average.

■85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average.  (Center for Disease Control)

■80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes –14 times the average.  (Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26)

■71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes – 9 times the average.  (National Principals Association Report

■85% of all youths in prison come from fatherless homes.

● Daughters of single parents without a Father involved are 711% more likely to have children as teenagers, 164% more likely to have a pre-marital birth and 92% more likely to get divorced themselves!

■43% of US children live without their father [US Department of Census]

■90% of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes.

■■80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes

●Studies on parent-child relationships and child wellbeing show that father love is an important factor in predicting the social, emotional, and cognitive development and functioning of children and young adults.

■■24 million children (34 percent) live absent their biological father.
■Nearly 20 million children (27 percent) live in single-parent homes.
http://thefatherlessgeneration.wordpress.com/statistics/

Father’s don’t believe for once that your job is insignificant.
Lead like Christ and you can’t go wrong.

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****
photo credit: Stephen Poff via photopin cc
photo credit: CarbonNYC via photopin cc
photo credit: Daniel Rocal via photopin cc

Sexual Freedom-Multiple sex partners

Is sexual freedom really free?

Women are free to have sex with anyone they want.
Anytime they want.
Wherever they want.
“SEXUAL FREEDOM”.

But is it really “free” when it takes so much from you? When it robs you of so much. Whether you willingly give it or not. It WILL take from you.

Just stop and look around and you’ll notice countless of girls and women walking about…..that have had their dignity taken from them.
Their self-respect gone.
Their self-worth gone.
Their innocence, their purity, their softness even…GONE. ERASED. TAKEN. STOLEN. Most of the time given away freely by choice.
All in the name of “SEXUAL FREEDOM”.

I chose to give mine away at the age of 15.

My self-worth came from how much attention I could gather from the opposite sex.
It should’ve came directly from my father. Because that’s where I believe every girls self worth stems from. Begins from.
And well sadly I wasn’t given much attention from there.
But the longing was still there.
Inside me.
Just waiting to be fulfilled.
And since it didn’t come to me.
I went out searching for it on my own.
So…. when I was faced with the opportunity to finally gain some much needed attention…. Yup, you guessed it. I GAVE IN.
How many 15 yr old girls like me would’ve? How many DO.
Day after day after day.
And while I gained the attention I so desperately wanted my heart was in return losing so much.
My innocence gone.
My purity washed away.
My self-respect in the trash.
And little did I know at the time my self-worth was actually being torn to shreds.

I read this article and others about how having multiple sex partners actually makes young girls sad, depressed, and even suicidal.

And memories return of how I was unknowingly giving away the very essences that would’ve kept me content and safely on the road to happiness.
But instead I gave it up for short term “”love””, “fun”, and attention. And what was I left with?
Sadness.
Heartbreak. Which led to more sadness.
Depression. Which led to suicidal thoughts and feelings.
Yeah, all this at the tender age of only 16.

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So what a lot of these young girls (and women) that are indulging themselves in “sexual freedom” don’t realize is that in reality IT ISN’T FREE!
IT DOES INDEED TAKE FROM YOU!
The Cost Is Terrible!

I’ve personally witnessed hearts torn, shattered, and bruised after they chose again and again and again to give their dignity away, their self-worth and self-respect away.
THIS IS REAL!!
And It’s happening around us every day!
Just stop awhile and look around. There she is. The girl that gives away her body night after night, party after party. Not because she’s a slut. But maybe because as she gives it up to some dude that is basking in the lust of it. She is in her own little world hoping that it will just quiet her hearts cry for love, attention, and self-worth.
But of course it WON’T!
IT NEVER DOES.
But sadly, she’ll continue trying. Again and again and again.
Same game. Only different faces.

And that my friend is the Multiple Sex Partner TRAP!

It’s so easy to fall into.
And once your in- it’ll strip you!
It’ll strip you of everything your heart truly is. The heart that God created and formed even before you were born.
It slowly chews away at it.
Leaving you feeling used.
Shamed. Disrespected.
Hardened. Calloused.
Bitter.
It’s an unbearable cycle almost like being on a merry-go-round that never stops spinning.

But there is a way out.
There is an escape route.

Jesus Christ made you to want love. To crave something more than what this world can offer and nothing in it can give you. So you would go after Him. So you would pursue Him for it. He has ALL you need. And He freely gives it! Now that is free. Because He already paid for it. He already paid for you.

HE ALREADY KNOWS YOUR WORTH!

You can finally stop searching! He’s right there. Just look up.
He hears your hearts cry.
He sees your souls longings.
And He says, Everything your searching for is in Me.

** Matthew 11:28-29 **
Jesus said, “Come to Me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. … Let Me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Are you or someone you know tired of being hurt by this evil trap?
Tired of it using you, abusing you, and making you cry?
Some cry themselves to sleep.
Some run back to it over and over again.
And there’s probably girls and women that actually kill themselves when they realize that this trap never did and never will satisfy or fill the deep hole they have in their heart.

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But believe me. There is a way out. I know because He rescued me.
He took my ashes. (The mess I made.) And in return He gave me back my dignity, my self-worth!
I learned self-respect again.
I learned what purity truly meant.
And I finally can say I know what love is. And I promise you won’t find it anywhere else.

So if your young or old and hungry for attention. Run to the One who freely gives it. And don’t join the Multiple Sex Partners Trap.

***

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photo credit: °]° via photopin cc

16 yrs old and 14 sex partners

Doctor: You have Chlamydia

16 yr old girl: blinks

Doctor: How many sex partners have you had?

Girl: In my lifetime?

Doctor: Yeah, Lets start with your lifetime.

Girl: Fourteen

Doctor: Do you use condoms?

Girl: Sometimes..

Doctor: How do you decide if your going to use a condom or not?

Girl: If it’s serious.

Doctor: How many serious relationships have you had?

Girl: Four
******************

For those of you wandering….Yes. This was an actual conversation between a doctor and patient.

I still remember
coming home that night after giving myself away for the first time.

https://songsofintimacy.wordpress.com/2013/05/08/things-dont-always-work-out-the-way-you-want-them-to/

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Losing your virginity is giving yourself away. And that is what I did that night.
Only if I would’ve known I would regret that night for the rest of my life.
Sadly, chances are this girl will too one day. The nights she gave herself away.
Some might argue “she’s only experiencing” but what if we were meant to only give ourselves away to one person.

Chances are this young precious girl will continue to do what she’s been doing.
Unless she meets someone that cares. Someone that she feels really cares and loves her. Someone that she can trust.
Maybe that someone is you?
I was only 15 that night.
Looking back I had no one really that I could trust. Someone who could’ve shared with me the truth.
What truth?

That I was truly worth more!
That my heart would only take so much!
That giving away my body exchange for that feeling of love was not real!
That no matter how many boys told me or made me feel pretty, I would never deeply believe it untill I believed it!
And let’s be honest I didn’t.

I felt ugly.

I covered myself with a ridiculous amount of make-up.
Hoping and thinking That it would make me pretty. And at times it did the job. At least that’s what I believed. But the problem was it would only make me feel pretty/worthy for awhile but deep inside my heart I knew I wasn’t truly pretty.
I could have easily looked around me and quickly noticed all the really pretty girls and I knew I couldn’t compare.

So if I was that “someone” that had the opportunity to befriend that young precious girl.
I would share with her:
GOD most definitely has a plan and a destiny just for you.
And none of it weighs upon how much or how less you can compare with all those other girls.

Having sex with 2 boys or with 14 WILL NOT EVER cause you to deeply and wholeheartedly believe that you are beautiful!
Because your worth does NOT come from them!
Let’s say one day:
You alone painted a beautiful and magnificent picture.
But no one else seemed to think that it was indeed magnificent.
They looked at it as ordinary.
Did not pay much attention to it.
But one day here comes walking in the president of a top art museum.
Taking one glance at your art instantly WANTS it. And decides to buy it for millions.
At that point would it matter for a second what any of those other people “thought” about your drawing?

OF COURSE NOT!!

Well, your CREATOR created you beautiful and magnificent! Yes, some people may see you as just plain or ordinary. They may not see your worth and how beautiful and magnificent you truly are. But the King of kings, your Creator and Maker surly does!
He fashioned you perfectly.

Psalm 139:13-16 MSG:
Oh yes, You shaped me first inside, then out; You formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—You’re breathtaking!
*Body and soul, I am marvelously made!*
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out, You know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day.

None of those boys can make you believe that you are beautiful and worthy!
Yes, maybe they can make you feel pretty for a little bit.
Or maybe make you feel accepted and wanted for a minute.
But at the end your heart will remain the same. Believing what it believed
in the beginning.
Because your worth does not and cannot come from them or from sex. Or from drugs. Or from alcohol. Or from anything else.

It can only come from the One who formed you and knew you even before you were conceived!

So maybe one reason why I came home that night after losing my virginity still feeling the same. Still broken. Still lonely.
Was because my heart remained the same.
You see you can share your body with any amount of boys you choose. Letting them inside your body.
But you can never let them inside your heart.

There’s only one being you can allow inside your heart and that’s Jesus Christ.
And once you do. You can realize how much worth you had the whole time.
Your worth NEVER lessened. It always remained the same.
It’s just that the only One who could make you believe that was the Only One who made you in the first place.
Your artist. Your Sculptor. GOD.

His love for you never runs out.

It can’t.

Your His workmanship.

Your His responsibility.

Don’t ever forget that friend.

Now go and find a precious girl you can share this with. They’re waiting.
Their hearts hungry. Thirsty. To believe so much more.

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Photo credit: Michelle Brea / Foter / CC BY-NC-SA

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