Dear Husband

Dedicated to all the women that have been abused in any way by their husband. Freedom exists..

Dear Husband,

Looking back, I can almost tell you when the affects of your porn watching/adultery and fantasy began. Because that is when it “all” began.
I no longer was good enough. And I don’t think you even noticed it because neither did I. But so began my own journey. To become the best wife and mom I could be.
I read books, I prayed, cried out to God. And through that process, God did transform me. He showed me things and areas in my life that only He could. I was set free from many “demons” in my heart and life. I became stronger. Less selfish. Amazingly so.
Little did I know. God was making me stronger in ways that would ultimately help me to stay sane, forgive you, and keep loving you after the discovery of your porn problem. I had finally made it so far into my journey of transformation in becoming a very good wife and mom through my eyes. And I believe
through the eyes of God as well.
But unfortunately and sadly not through your eyes. When I found the pornography on your phone. Initially I was shocked. There was no way a man so pure, so godly, so close to God or so I thought would be watching that. And even after you confessed that it was in fact yours. I unbelievably searched for ways that it could have been okay for you to watch it. Because after all you were the righteous one.
But of course not. There was no righteous motive for it.
While I was on ‘my’ journey to become a better wife to you, you had been pleasuring yourself with many other women that your wife could never compare to. No wander I wasn’t good enough. No wander I just couldn’t make you happy. No matter how much I tried. I know now that it hadn’t been my job to make you happy. And that as long as you continued to watch all those “perfect” women being sabotaged to all those cruel and abusive acts. I would NEVER be enough to satisfy you. But through it all, yes, I forgave you. For my kids. For myself. And because of God’s beautiful and amazing grace. Your motives became pure. WE fought for our marriage. You said you gave up the porn/adultery . You proved it to me. I believed that we were going to be okay. I became God’s grace, mercy, and love to you. And through that you became stronger. You became loving again. And oh how you showed me that I was enough. Even though I now know I always have been enough. Because my worth came from God. But somewhere in there, you forgot. I know now that it had to have been because the deep issues inside you hadn’t been dealt with. There was no one who had been through it at that time that could have told you that just because a man no longer watches porn does not necessarily mean he’s free. And little did we both know. You were not free. Yes, you went to church. You payed your tithes. You were even a Bible study leader. But you were not free. But I continued to shower grace and forgiveness because I believed that’s all that was needed. I know now the triggers, anger, attacks, and you withholding affection were all signs that the initial wound and issues that caused you to pave your way to pornography/adultery were blaring and still so alive inside you. And no amount of my forgiveness could heal you. So honestly, it came to me as no surprise when you confessed that you had committed adultery again. This time I was wiser, stronger, and braver. I knew it wasn’t my fault. I knew I could have been the most beautiful, the best anything and you could’ve still chosen porn/adultery/betrayal.

Perhaps because that god is easier to worship and please. Maybe because you can stay wounded, sick, and in your lies. Because that god doesn’t demand change. That god allows you to sulk, manipulate, and even abuse to get your way.

But this time around I will not allow my forgiveness to enable you like I believe it has in times past. I have chosen to put up boundaries. Not only for my sake and healing. But because I love you.
I love you enough to see you healed


That nasty festering wound so deep inside you to be healed. To be repaired. To be fixed. Not for the present. But for the long run. For the future. For your sake.
Because that is what grace does. It loves us too much to leave us the same way. I realize I cannot love you to healing. You will have to want it for yourself. So bad. For too long I tried. I gave in to your sulking. I gave in to your manipulations. I allowed myself to become trapped in a vicious cycle. Because I believed that is what God wanted me to do. At the end of the day all I ever wanted was to please God. But now God has shown me. He has spoken to me.
And so what if, you couldn’t see the truth. The truth that you need help. The truth that you need healing for those deep scary issues that are hiding and lurking so deep inside you…. because I believed that you would see them through me just loving and forgiving you every time your warning signs went off. I see now that God does indeed forgive us but many times there is consequences to our ‘sins’ we choose to continue to go back to. And I refuse to no longer just allow your ‘sin’. Or should I say your wounds to bleed onto me, your wife, and onto and into our children. I don’t know what you will choose. It scares me to think you may choose your comfort over the journey of transformation. But know I will no longer cover up. I will no longer allow myself to be manipulated. I will no longer allow to be emotionally abused. I will no longer stay quiet in the hope to be that “perfect, godly wife”. While watching you slowly dig yourself deeper into the sickness that will eventually destroy you completely. No, I choose to speak up so you can be made whole again. So you can become the man I know is still somewhere inside you. I pray you choose the help you need, For your kids, But ultimately for yourself. God has let me know He will care for me and take care of me no matter what you choose. And it is because of that peace that I am able to love you enough to say choose recovery, choose healing, choose help. Because by choosing that. You choose your family. You choose your future with us in it.
I love you. I love us. I love our happy memories. But I refuse to sit and watch this door that was opened when you were so innocent, so many years ago to continue to beat you down with us in it. I love you too much to watch you pass those same wounds onto our kids. I know you probably don’t see or understand what I’m talking about. But that is just the proof that you do need help.
You cannot continue to do it alone.
I will never stop praying for you. No matter what you choose.
Your Wife

All she really ever wanted was a daddy


-As she gives herself away night after night…. guy after guy, boy after boy, man after man.. she crys…

Because she knows
All she really ever wanted was a daddy.

-As she dances, she can’t seem to shake away the shame. No one understands. All they see is her body uncovered and open for all to gaze upon. And as she walks backstage..she crys..

Because she knows
All she really ever wanted was a daddy.

-As she sits there while he flatters her and compliments her…telling her she is beautiful, telling her she is hot, telling her he needs her, she looks away. And as he begins to feel up on her and unbutton her jeans, she just can’t seem to push him away. The attention feels too good to say no to.
And at last as she lays there, hearing him snore. The tears roll down her 14 year old face as she crys..

Because she knows
All she really ever wanted was a daddy.

-As she takes a long drag of her cigarette, she watches the busy street below her balcony and she thinks to herself…She has done pretty darn well for herself. Her education, her career, her expensive condo, her expensive car, her diamonds, her designer clothing. And as she thinks, she crys..

Because she knows
All she really ever wanted was a daddy.

-As she yells and screams at her small children, out of anger, out of frustration, for nothing really,
they run to their bedrooms. And as she hears their small whimpers. She also crys, her sobs uncontrollable.

Because she knows
All she really ever wanted was a daddy.



Some daddy-less girls might admit it freely.
Some daddy-less girls might only admit it when they are alone.
Some daddy-less girls might never believe it. ..

That deep down inside….in the darkest corners of her soul.
It’s there…….and it hurts.
And yes, honestly it sucks.

From what??
the loneliness.
the sadness.
the emptiness.
the horrible feeling of abandonment.

GOD is the
Father to the fatherless…
~Psalms 68:5

In other words:
** Daddy to the daddyless! **

I know how it is to be far from being a little girl but still at times…sometimes.. just wanting a hug from my daddy.

My heart breaks for all these daddyless girls… and not only for the ones that never had a dad or never knew their dad, but for all those that(like me)did have a dad at home BUT still never experienced the real, PURE, and true love that every dad should undoubtedly give.

<I guess I could say my dad least sometimes..but…well…I’ll leave that for another post.> 😉
(to be continued..)

You are NO accident.
You are NO mistake.

I can prove it to you:

*By You I have been upheld from birth; You are He who took me out of my mother’s womb.
~Psalms 71:6

*For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb.
~Psalms 139:13

And my favorite:

*”Before I formed you in the womb I knew you..”
~Jeremiah 1:5

Are you longing for a daddy?
He’s actually longing for .. you.

I AM the Father to the fatherless.

Related Article: The Plight Of Daddyless Daughters

Photo credit: Michelle Brea / Foter / CC BY-NC-SA
Photo credit: Pink Sherbet Photography / Foter / CC BY