14 yrs ago I said bye forever! No turning back

14 years ago I said bye to boys breaking my heart.
14 yrs ago I turned my back to all the lies I had fell for.
14 yrs ago I kicked the devil in the face when God demolished the devils plans and brutal, violent, merciless path he had for me all along.
Because 14 yrs ago I stood up firmly and became a daughter of the King.

I had to write a little something about the most amazing, miraculous experience that has happened to me.

If you are an active reader to my blog you already know what God saved me from. ( If not please check out some of my other posts)!
So I won’t get into too much of that.
But I will say that no one and I mean NO ONE could ever cause me to deny what happened that night 14 years ago.

Today I was entranced with the fact that it was exactly 14 years ago that I was rescued from a soon to be wicked and vulgar lifestyle.

I actually attended church service tonight. The same church where I was invited that same week I cried out to God.
I felt extremely humbled. Here I was 14 years prior a foolish young teenager with grossly immoral plans for her life when God decides to intervene.

What makes this day much more powerful now then let’s say years before is because now I truly know where I would be and how I would be living(if even still alive) if not for that transforming holy night!

You see I was like your ordinary teen girl. Loving boy’s attention. And trying to get it anyway I could.
And the heartbreaking thing was.. I was actually on my way to doing everything to get that attention.

Let me say that there are NO words that could’ve described my heart today.
To know where I should be compared to where I am now blows me completely away.

Wholeheartedly I believe I would most probably be dead by now.
Like my other posts reveal. The shame and regret eating at my heart would’ve led me to take my very own life.

So this post was just a thank you and reflection of the 14 years of soundness and wholeness I have truly experienced.

14 years ago I experienced my heart being put together.
Little by little.
But miraculously nonetheless!

14 years ago I finally let go of a lifestyle that would’ve without question led me to a real hell.

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I hate you… (A letter to porn)

I hate you.

I hate what you stand for.
I hate what you do to them.

I hate what you did to him.

I cry at times.
You see, you transform something in the mind.

Its hard to explain.
(But if you have endured a battle with pornography OR know someone who has you know exactly what I mean).
It’s like their mind has been taken hostage.

 I know the pain you cause.

But know that I am NOT blaming the individuals you use for your sick pleasures.

I believe they too are in bondage.

 You suffocate souls.

All that is left of them are weak, pitiful, sorrowful corpses.

You see porn, I was a victim of your gross game. You helped rip out my heart out of my chest and slice it in a million pieces. I’ll never forget that day.

The day I found out my husband had succumbed to your hellish pit.

Your mockery and laughter I’m sure rang in the background as my heart shriveled, my mind became foggy and time seemed to slow down.

I hate you porn.

Yes, I know. I know. He willingly gave in. He CHOSE to buy into his passion and desires all those moments.

But I doubt IF he had truly understood what was happening. What he was giving himself over to. And the trials that would now lay ahead of him he would never had tasted of your corrosion.

But he did. But he chose to see you for what you really are. And he walked away from your dungeon.

Yes, there is an escape. Even though you tell them there isn’t. THERE IS!

God rescued him. And I loved him.

Yes, I did the unbelievable.

I forgave.

But I hate you porn. Because I know who you really are.

I can see through your fabrication. And now he sees it too. Actually so many do.

I hate you for the way you messed up his mind. But I’m praying.

I still hurt. My heart still bleeds sometimes. I still wonder at times if I’m “good enough”.

Your lies at times fill my mind. Your so good at that.

Slowly my heart is being repaired. The memories and pain can be extremely excruciating when they flood over me.

But I know The Healer that makes all things new.

But I won’t try to downplay how evil you are.

Remember one thing porn. I’m coming after you. Not physically. Because I know that is not how you are fought. Many try that but only continue to suffer.

I’m coming after you with prayer.

For you are an invisible enemy. That prowls after spiritually weak men. And once you have them in your grasp…

YOU CASTRATE THEM.

The whole while they truly believe they are real men while you visiously take their strength and watch as they succumb to nothingness.

But you have one less man in your cell. One more man that KNOWS who you really are.

I pray more men will realize there is a way out. There is hope.

But it is not fought in a physical battle. It is way much more then that.

The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy. (John 10:10)

That is exactly what you are. A thief.

You steal, kill, and enjoy destroying families, MARRIAGES, souls.

SO yes, I hate you. But because of you I have learned the true meaning of forgiveness.

I have felt what it is to shower someone that does not deserve it with true love and mercy. And it is then that Jesus’ horrible death becomes more understandable. We did not deserve His love but He Still willingly gave Himself to die for us. He willingly loves us at our worst.

Because of you I know how it feels to have God carry me and lift me up while my feet scrape the ground.

And I promise that alone is one of the most amazing feelings in the world.

As the old saying goes “I have learned to kiss the wave that throws me against the Rock of Ages”.

So thank you.

Because of you I learned how strong my God really is.

And He said to me,

“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” 

(II Corinthians 12:9)

Adios

Signed,

Anonymous

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Quit letting the devil pimp you

He uses you.
Always makes you do things you really don’t want to do.
You do them. And than eventually it becomes easier to do those things.

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He walks beside you and flaunts you to the world. He loves to belittle you. Make you feel like your nothing. And tells you no one would want you if you left.

But than again he knows how to indulge you in your drug. The thing you crave the most. Attention.
One of the only things that make you feel powerful, in-control, and on top of the world.

No, I’m not talking about some pimp.
I’m talking about the prince of this world. The devil.

Just the other day I’m pretty sure I witnessed a pimp walking with his “girl”. And as I watched how the man walked with his head high with pride almost like he wanted the world to know that yes, he was indeed a pimp! And proud of it! It made me think: That girl is every one of us. And that “pimp” is just like the devil. When he owns us (before we come to Jesus) he is our pimp. And he sure is proud of it!

I can look back and remember never being pretty enough, or liked enough. I remember being bullied and picked on in high school. I also remember getting next to nothing when it came to attention from my dad. And Sadly, the times I do remember were when he was intoxicated.
So it wasn’t a big surprise when I gave myself away to one of the first boys that I believed liked me. (or like most teenagers tend to believe: “loved me”.)

This drug by the name of Attention really did make me feel happy, and good about myself. How could I resist a male actually willingly giving me attention!
It was awesome. I know now that I would’ve done anything for this “drug”.
At just the age of 15 I had decided I wanted to be a stripper.
What young girl in her RIGHT mind decides that??

I read an article just the other day about young teen girls willingly entering the sex trade. Really?
Girls willing to exchange something so very precious for something so profane and twisted.

The officals that have seen this believe some of it comes from pimps being glorified in the media.
“It’s glorified now to be a pimp, you look at the TV shows, ‘Pimp my Ride.’ Pimp this, pimp, it’s in songs, everything is pimp, pimp, pimp, and so when these guys do that, you’ve got these screwed up girls who don’t know any better and they’ll think that it’s cool and they’ll hang out with them …..
-( http://www.lifesitenews.com/mobile/news/inside-the-sex-trade-new-study-exposes-the-economics-and-societal-trends-be )

It saddened me.
But as some may ask what kind of girl would do that?
I thought to myself, I Would’ve.

I don’t believe these girls sign up to be pimped because they are sick or dirty.

And for a moment there it was like I knew why. Not because I had ever done it. But because I believe, that if God hadn’t saved me when I was 16, chances are I would have.

Why?
Because I was a hurting, broken, messed up, lonely teenager?
I don’t think so.

But maybe because…
I loved the feeling of attention that I could get from the opposite sex.
And Because..
to me sex equaled true love.
And Because..
Deep deep inside of me I was just looking for a man to replace my father.

I thanked God for saving me when He did.
Perfect timing.
I think (because I’ll never really know) that maybe that was what the devil had for me. For my life.
First a stripper. Later a porn worker. (I won’t say porn star since that makes it sound glamoures). Which it of course isn’t!

The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy. John 10:10

I’ll never know but maybe that’s why God saved me so young.
He knew what the devil wanted for my life.

Sadly, I probably would have signed up to be used, abused, belittled, and made to believe I was nothing.

I wander maybe that is why I have such a heart and compassion for girls that are involved and/or make a living being a stripper, porn worker, or a victim of the sex trade.
I’ll never really know how it feels to be one of those girls.

BUT I do know how it feels BEFORE they become one of “those” girls.

I’ll be forever thankful that He saved me and rescued me before I actually might have walked into that lifestyle.

And I’ll continue to pray for the girls trapped in that life. And pray that God would allow us to cross paths so I may share God’s unfailing love with them. And pray they respond.

***

But I also know that every one of us is being pimped or has been.
By the devil.
He uses us and the sad thing is we let him.
Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave of sin. John 8:34
If only we would see it for what it really is. We would be disgusted.

The way he disrespects men.
The way he humiliates women.

But you can say good bye to this pimp for good.

Say this prayer aloud:
Jesus, I want freedom.
And I know it only comes from You.
Please break the devil’s power and hold on my life. You are the Son Of God. And I want to be Your child.
Forgive me for all the times I’ve allowed the devil to use me. I will no longer be his tool but I choose to be a vessal for honor.
In Jesus Name, Amen.

Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.
John 8:36

*The Lord your God is with you. 
He is a hero who saves you.
He happily rejoices over you,  renews you with his love, and celebrates over you with shouts of joy.
Zephaniah 3:17

Don’t let the devil pimp you.

photo credit: dualdflipflop via photopin cc