I hate you… (A letter to porn)

I hate you.

I hate what you stand for.
I hate what you do to them.

I hate what you did to him.

I cry at times.
You see, you transform something in the mind.

Its hard to explain.
(But if you have endured a battle with pornography OR know someone who has you know exactly what I mean).
It’s like their mind has been taken hostage.

 I know the pain you cause.

But know that I am NOT blaming the individuals you use for your sick pleasures.

I believe they too are in bondage.

 You suffocate souls.

All that is left of them are weak, pitiful, sorrowful corpses.

You see porn, I was a victim of your gross game. You helped rip out my heart out of my chest and slice it in a million pieces. I’ll never forget that day.

The day I found out my husband had succumbed to your hellish pit.

Your mockery and laughter I’m sure rang in the background as my heart shriveled, my mind became foggy and time seemed to slow down.

I hate you porn.

Yes, I know. I know. He willingly gave in. He CHOSE to buy into his passion and desires all those moments.

But I doubt IF he had truly understood what was happening. What he was giving himself over to. And the trials that would now lay ahead of him he would never had tasted of your corrosion.

But he did. But he chose to see you for what you really are. And he walked away from your dungeon.

Yes, there is an escape. Even though you tell them there isn’t. THERE IS!

God rescued him. And I loved him.

Yes, I did the unbelievable.

I forgave.

But I hate you porn. Because I know who you really are.

I can see through your fabrication. And now he sees it too. Actually so many do.

I hate you for the way you messed up his mind. But I’m praying.

I still hurt. My heart still bleeds sometimes. I still wonder at times if I’m “good enough”.

Your lies at times fill my mind. Your so good at that.

Slowly my heart is being repaired. The memories and pain can be extremely excruciating when they flood over me.

But I know The Healer that makes all things new.

But I won’t try to downplay how evil you are.

Remember one thing porn. I’m coming after you. Not physically. Because I know that is not how you are fought. Many try that but only continue to suffer.

I’m coming after you with prayer.

For you are an invisible enemy. That prowls after spiritually weak men. And once you have them in your grasp…

YOU CASTRATE THEM.

The whole while they truly believe they are real men while you visiously take their strength and watch as they succumb to nothingness.

But you have one less man in your cell. One more man that KNOWS who you really are.

I pray more men will realize there is a way out. There is hope.

But it is not fought in a physical battle. It is way much more then that.

The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy. (John 10:10)

That is exactly what you are. A thief.

You steal, kill, and enjoy destroying families, MARRIAGES, souls.

SO yes, I hate you. But because of you I have learned the true meaning of forgiveness.

I have felt what it is to shower someone that does not deserve it with true love and mercy. And it is then that Jesus’ horrible death becomes more understandable. We did not deserve His love but He Still willingly gave Himself to die for us. He willingly loves us at our worst.

Because of you I know how it feels to have God carry me and lift me up while my feet scrape the ground.

And I promise that alone is one of the most amazing feelings in the world.

As the old saying goes “I have learned to kiss the wave that throws me against the Rock of Ages”.

So thank you.

Because of you I learned how strong my God really is.

And He said to me,

“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” 

(II Corinthians 12:9)

Adios

Signed,

Anonymous

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Dear you, 15 year old younger me…

DO you know you are not only beautiful but captivating.

Do you know that God really and truly has plans for you. For your life.

Do you know that God seen and knew you even while you were inside your mothers womb.

Do you know He was there that amazing moment you entered into this world.

Those times you felt alone, sad, depressed … Yes… He was there also.

I know it felt like no one cared. But I promise He did. He does.

Those times you felt so REJECTED. His love poured out for you.Your heart beat to know Him.

When others rejected you. When others thought they were too good for you. When others believed you were worthless. He watched you with eyes of fire. A fire of love.

When you really thought that boy loved you. So you ended up giving yourself to him. Mind and Body. He watched with sorrow and sadness. Because He knew the truth. He always does.

But His love remained.

He caught every tear that fell from your eyes when you finally realized that it was never love. Only lust.

I’m sure He whispered that He loved you and that He was madly in love with you when you laid at night on your bed, heartbroken.

He saved you from so much pain even though it may not have felt like it.

And He came running that night. The night you cried out on your knees. It was what He had been waiting for all along. For your heart. For your devotion. For your love.

He picked you up. Washed all your stains and pain away. Healed your heart. Wrapped His arms around you. And whispered again how much He had always loved you.

And then your life began………

Love, your twenty-something self.

Things don’t always work out the way you want them to

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I remember coming home.
I remember feeling nothing.
I remember saying “that’s it”?
I remember feeling a little confused.
I remember ‘the night’.

If only I had known it wasn’t real love.
If only I had known it never would be.
If only I had known the pain and tears that would soon follow.
If only I had known the memory would last forever.

But I didn’t, nobody told me, but even if they had, would I had listened?

My heart broken
My heart shattered
My heart torn
My heart scarred

Over a guy? Over a boy?
REALLY??!!
Yes.

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