I’m crying out but no one hears. I watch as they look towards me. But it’s better for them to look away again. It’s too messy. It’s too awkward.
I don’t blame them. Maybe I would do the same if it wasn’t me.
Probably one of the many thoughts and so many other emotions that led me to the brink of depression over and over until it happened. I was depressed. How? I had been a Christian for many years. I knew God’s Word. I knew how to pray. I had known faith. Why was I depressed? I mean I knew why. But come on woman. Your stronger than this. Isn’t that what many had said of you in the past. You are so strong. I was. I am. I had lost the battle. God must be so upset.
And then God brought comfort. Not through His Word like so many times past. no, this time He brought it through action. Visual action I’d like to say. I felt the depression lift. Then I came home and felt giddy almost like a 5 yr. old little girl running in circles in a tutu. Why would God bring me comfort? When I had upset him?
I know now the depression didn’t take him by surprise. He wasn’t upset by it.
He understood it.
He understood betrayal. He understood trauma. He understood anxiety.
He understood depression.
Like a friend that’s been there and done that. He knew. He gets it.
When Jesus was praying in the garden before His tormenting death. He sweat drops of blood. If that isn’t anxiety and depression at it’s worst, I don’t know what is. He knew and felt not only physical trauma but extreme mental trauma as well. When He died a merciless death on the Cross. He questioned His own Father. He asked WHY! Haven’t you been there before also? Asking God Why?
We can easily look at the crucifixion story and see it as a nice beautiful Christian story. But the reality is the pain and anguish involved is something that can easily calm your fears, anxiety, and even depression. To know that He knows is comforting. Reassuring. His pain can calm ours. His trauma that He endured could walk us through our very own.
Thank You Father. In my depression You brought comfort. Why did I believe you’d bring anything else? You are the God of all comfort. (2 Corin. 1:3) Every good and perfect gift is from above. (James 1:17)
Depression isn’t something God looks down upon. It is something He knows very well.
So if you have found yourself in the hole of depression. Look up. Your head has been hanging down for too long. The God who overcame depression says to you today I am the lifter of your head. (Psalm 3:3) If your crying out for relief. Or even if you haven’t. He’s close. He hears. He sees. The God that endured the worst pain for our sake will indeed be a light in our darkness.
Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I SHALL rise again. Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my light.