Memories that could kill..

Do you have memories that still haunt you?
Or maybe not haunt but ones that try to pop their head up from time to time.

And every time they do….they always bring shame regret, and guilt along with them.
And you find yourself wallowing in the same pain, the same hurt, the same lies of the past.

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The weight is so heavy at times that it seems as if there is a huge brick on the back of your head.
And this brick causes you to walk with your head down as the memories re-play in your mind.

You wish you could go back.
Maybe re-do a few things. OR erase a lot of things.

But what’s done has been done.

We all have our own bundle of unhappy and at times tormenting memories that hide deep within us.

The ones that don’t leave us alone. The ones that take us back to that very moment or day.
The ones that make us question “what was I thinking”?!

Personally for me its been almost 13 years but I can still remember the nights….
The nights I thought of suicide.
And Ending it all.
Thinking no, Believing that it would end all my pain, hurt, and heartbreak.

I remember the night I knew that I knew I could’ve been raped.

I remember the night I looked out the window and prayed “GOD, GET ME OUT OF THIS”!

I remember the nights I chose to give myself away so cheaply. Mistaking it for love and acceptance.

Times that I chose to get involved or taste things I should’ve never!

Memories that have been burned into us so deeply. That sometimes
we begin to believe all the lies again.

That it doesn’t matter how far you’ve come. That it doesn’t matter that you’ve changed.
Or worse: that your still the same person. You’ve never changed and you never will.
Your worthless!
Your dirty!
You’ll never amount to anything!
It would’ve been better if you had never been born!

And as you sink into that ocean of lies you hear depression knocking. You feel suicide wanting to invite itself over once more.

But in the midst of it all.
He whispers. You hear it but the lies try so hard to drown it out!
He calls you by name.

Isaiah 43:1
But now, thus says the Lord , who created you, .. And He who formed you, .. “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine.

Forgiveness is a beautiful thing.
Especially when you realize your the one needing it.

Many times people say “Well, I can forgive but will never forget”.
But there is One who actually forgives AND forgets!

Psalm 103:12
As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us.

Micah 9:17
You will trample our sins under your feet and throw them into the depths of the ocean!

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There is nothing more amazing than knowing that all our wrongs, all our past can be washed away.

So what if you woke up one day and believed with all that is in you that you had been forgiven. That all the memories that would love to haunt you forever were just exactly that. Memories.
Long gone forgiven memories!
Now I know that some memories are far from forgetting when you actually have to live with the ‘consequences’ or viable evidence every single day.
But it doesn’t mean it hasn’t been forgiven.

I recently read a MIND-BLOWING testimony!!!
Of Annie Lobert a survivor of more than a decade of sex trafficking-working as an exotic dancer and a high-class escort.

In her testimony she talks about the memories. That would haunt her. She even began having terrible nightmares.

The past can be an ugly thing. Especially when it knows we haven’t let it go. It would want nothing more than to cling to us, to the core of our hearts till death.

So bring your past…..lay it down. And watch as He throws it all into the sea of forgetfulness.

Yes, my memories are still there….deep deep down below somewhere.
BUT now I use them you could say as a weapon!
Because I use a lot of them now to share with others how amazing the power of forgiveness really is. Like the times when I meet those young 14/15/16 year old girls that are walking on that road I once did.

I have the privilege to share some of those memories with them.. all in the name of just letting them know they are NOT alone and never will be. That NO matter their past.. it can be washed away!
And the best part.. that they too can one day use it to encourage others that your past does not have to represent who you are now.
THAT WHAT WAS MEANT FOR EVIL GOD USES FOR GOOD!

That your bruised past, and all of those haunting memories unfortunately may not ever be erased from our memories but they can be *forgiven*. Oh so beautifully forgiven.
And Yes, even used for good.

Genesis 50:20
You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.

**You see sharing our experiences (our memories) with others CAN indeed save their lives!

Those memories are intended to destroy and harm you. BUT I promise GOD has other plans!

Friend let Him wash it all away.
And than you too can feel and witness the freedom that comes with it!

And if your like me and believe with all your heart that it has been washed away and forgotten. But you still at time struggle. Take it to God, pour out your soul before Him. He’s there beside you.
Believe that He now calls you worthy, spotless, blameless, and righteous.
Because now.. you are free.

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* * * * * * * * *
Listen to this song:
Blameless By Dara Maclean And allow God to restore you.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

photo credit: Silvia Sala via photopin cc
photo credit: -Reji via photopin cc
photo credit: hippydream [is busy] via photopin cc

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8 thoughts on “Memories that could kill..

  1. Beautifully honest and open of your journey of memories. If we give permission to it, it can torment us but there is one that can heal us if we only allow Him to. And when we allow Him to, he uses it for His glory and healing not just for ourselves, but for others too.

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